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 I heard the song Cancer, by My Chemical Romance today. I heard the cover, by Twenty One Pilots first, then I looked up the original. I don't think I've heard such a tragic song and honestly, I could cry every time I hear it, because I've never heard or been able to see such a real manifestation of what it is to have cancer and know you are dying. The death, or the fear of death, is not the focus of this song, the singer has already accepted death, they're mourning themselves and the loss they will feel at losing their loved ones when they leave. It's about feeling shame and repulsion or unworthiness at their own condition. It's about being sick of feeling sick and feeling like they're already walking around dead, falling apart and not really living anymore. I honestly like the cover better, for this reason: the music differences give off different moods from the one singing. The original feels more like a spiteful march toward death, full of anger and cynicism at dying and a fierce self-loathing and almost like he's punishing everyone around him with his attitude, because he is the one dying after all. 

That version of the song is not wrong and it's not unrealistic, it's just not my favorite, it's more tragic. When we're angry, we close off the people who love us and the people we love, and you don't want to be that way to your loved ones when you're going to be leaving them. But the song is meant to be a tragedy, that's what cancer is, that's all it does, is cause tragedy. Even the bridge, where he says if you say goodbye, I'll ask you to be true- the original focus's on this part a lot more than the cover and I feel like was done on purpose- in the original, it's about losing someone you love and making it an endless, life-long, grief. The singer doesn't want his love to ever forget or replace him, but always love and mourn him.

The cover on the other hand is not as tragic, it does focus on the tragedy of cancer, separating the singer from his love, but the song never really ends- the fate of dying is left hanging in the balance. The mood of the song is not angry, but sad, not cynical, but hopeless, not hating himself, but definitely feeling unworthy, tired, broken down and unhappy about it- he's ready to change, whether it means dying or being healed. That's why I like this version better. The chorus is a continuous, “I will not kiss you, turn away, my sister and my brothers,” and he doesn't give as much emphasis to the bridge, only stating as a desire, a natural desire, not a demand before death. He's voicing his grief but not shouting it and putting it on everyone else in anger, he's just talking.

I haven't personally lost anyone to cancer, but honestly it's starting to hit home for me. I have a friend who is losing another friend to cancer, stomach cancer, and he's in the last stages, where he can't hold any more food down and he doesn't feel hungry anymore, and he is refusing anymore chemo. He is slowly dying and hearing this upset me so much. My family and friends are all deeply invested in natural and holistic medicine and I've heard countless stories of people surviving cancer. Now, hearing that someone, who believes cancer can't be cured through anything but chemo, is just letting themselves die, and now hearing this song of hopelessness. It angers and grieves me. I want to tell them the truth, but I know they won't hear it, because they've already decided they are going to die. It almost feels disrespectful to the family to try to come in with this miraculous hope they won't actually want to believe in.

It makes me think of sin. Cancer, I think, is one of the best examples for sin we have today. It's invisible until it's too late and it's caused by everything we think is perfectly fine and normal for us to consume. Some people aren't even willing to give up the things they like to test the truth. This song makes cancer look more like sin than I've ever seen, full of hopelessness and self-repulsion and unworthiness, grief and loss. I like the cover by Twenty One Pilots better because that person is open, open to redemption and open to healing were it to come- they're not angry at the universe for striking them with cancer, they're just suffering and expressing it. There's a little glimmer of faith or hope still burning dimly in that person. I'm really, truthfully, considering becoming a nutritionist, because I can't stand seeing this again and I have no true standing to say thing to this family, losing someone to cancer, because all my knowledge is second hand. It's probably even harder for people who have lost loved ones to chemo-treated cancer, to consider that it may be treatable another way. 

I think the reason it angers me more is 'because' it reminds me of sin. People are letting themselves die because to them, and because of the lies the world has told them, there is no cure, this is life, life's unfair. It's not anger at the person for thinking and feeling that, it's anger at the lies and sometimes their unwillingness to test the truth. I know it's hard to look at a truth that appears so much like an unattainable miracle, and leap out and take hold of it. I know it's hard, but it's worth it, because that is something I've survived and I continue to survive every time I take another leap for something God told me was true.

Cancer (Cover) by Twenty One Pilots

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HBPen
Hannah
Artist | Hobbyist | Traditional Art
United States
"Let all the skilled artisans among you come, and make everything the Lord has commanded." Exodus 35:10

I don't have a preferred medium of art, I like to dabble in everything, BUT that being said, writing tends to be less frustrating to my perfectionist OCD lol. I have a million and one stories waiting to be written but I'm desperately trying to get this ONE finished, so that all my work can start to support me. I'm starting to try to not be such a perfectionist and see my art the way other's see it- so that I can take commissions and get the job done without becoming emotionally involved haha

I'm taking free commissions right now, I'd just absolutely be so appreciative of kind donations to my paypal account, to fund a missions trip this coming June. I've been charged not to talk about the trip over social media because it could endanger our chances of getting into the country, but if you have any questions, I can talk about it through email ;D So keep me in your prayers!

I really like g/t I just wish there was cleaner g/t- so, instead of just wishing, I hope to make my own. It's what I always do anyway. I see a movie or a book and I like the story or character so much I have to make one of my own the way I would have done it. I don't do vore, though I try to remain realistic while not being too graphic. I'm not going to write about pervs- it's just not happening.

I'm a Christian, no I was not brain-washed. I'm a Homeschooler, no my parents do not keep me in a closet. I'm a redhead, no I do no- OH WAIT. Yes I do have a temper.

Do Christians annoy you? Well, mean people annoy me. Tell you what, you can talk trash to me, if I can talk Christ to you. Fair is fair. ;]

Please do not try to talk to me through personal notes, unless I know you and have met you in person. I'd like to think anything you have to say to me can be seen by the thousands of other deviants. ;]

I love this! The following is written by CheyennevanStrange cheyennevanstrange.deviantart.…

Dear Acquaintances,

To the Sin family, of the House of Sin, in the Providence of Flesh, in the Kingdom of Satan:
Arrogance,
Pride,
Greed,
Hate,
Gluttony,
Lust,
Envy,
Sloth,
Occult,
And extended family

Consider this a formal declaration of war.

Goodbye,

- A Slave of Sin Saved by Grace

Current Residence: The Moon.
Favourite genre of music: Every genre you can think of [in the Christian catagory] EXCEPT Metal with ONLY screaming. lol
Favourite style of art: Anything that comes to mind.
MP3 player of choice: none, MP4 player lol, ipod!
Favourite cartoon character: Pooh Bear all the way. hahaha
Personal Quote: For if God is with is, who can be a against us? Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ.- AP

My blog: losingmyselftogod.blogspot.com…
Interests

Activity


Kim Yoon-Sung
Discovered the world of Korean dramas <3 Jinyoung as Kim Yoon-Sung in Moonlight Drawn By Clouds check it out if you haven't it's perfection; utter perfection <3 To God be the glory; I am only the pen
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Bad upload from my phone. I'll fix it later. Normally I post stuff from my phone to Instagram but I don't post GT to IG lol. If you want to see my IG art in at ntotallylosemahmarbles or look up the hashtag #hbpenart was experimenting with perspective and my new markers 👌👌👌
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My first night, after running away, was spent beneath an enormous tree in the woods, my entire life of twelve years, passing before my young, clouded eyes in a continuous carousal of hurt, bone aching grief, and fury. My father had told me once, that just before you die, your whole life flashes before your eyes and I might have welcomed death that night, but it never came. As painful as being betrayed by your brother, disowned by your family, and cast out by your people hurts, it should kill you. But that would be merciful wouldn't it? And God isn't merciful- not to my kind.
I punched the rough tree trunk, startled by the pain that shot through my hand and seared across my bleeding knuckles. I doubled over, gasping and seething, as I held my broken hand to my stomach.  Pain and fury wrestled up my throat, clawing from me with a ferocious growl, that echoed through the forest, and felt disgustingly pitiful in the shadow of my anger, as it melted into a jagged sob. My hands shifted into feline claws in an instant and I tore into the tree, ripping through the bark like the animal they all said I was- and I half believed them. I sank to my knees, my muscles quivering with fury, as I forced out my cries with vehement rage, only growing more and more angry, when my attempts to scream back at the world for turning on me, fell flat beneath the heavy rain flooding from the skies.
It wasn't enough- my furious screams weren't enough to show the world how unfair this was. I stared at my bruised and bloody hands, fingers spread over the ground, my lungs heaving with each howling breath. I watched the bruises slowly fade, from black to purple, to peach, and the ribbons of flesh on my knuckles knit themselves back together. This was why they hated me. I was different. I wasn't normal. And normal was all I wanted to be- if it meant Levi was still a brother to me. If it meant my mother and father weren't ashamed to claim me as their son. If it meant I had a home, a people, a god. I didn't want to be this- I didn't want to live if this was what my life was going to be. It wasn't fair! I could shift my form into anything from an elephant to a bird, from a fairy to a giant, from a man to a woman, from a child to a man! But the one thing I wanted to change- from a Shifter to a human- I was powerless to.
I closed my eyes against the hot tears flooding my gaze. Why have You made me like this? If He hated Shifters, if Shifters were evil- why did He make me a Shifter? It wasn't fair. I didn't deserve this- to be treated like a monster, to be outcast. If God was good, why didn't He give me the chance to be good? Instead, He destined me for Hell, by birth, with my existence. Why God? I asked, but the air was silent. My heart seemed to cave in my chest, as a voice in my head replied cynically, What makes you think God would answer a Shifter like you. Hopelessness settled over me and a sick numbness seeped into my bones. My fingers curled around a shard of wood beneath my hand and my chest ached with longing to carve into my arms. I collapsed onto my side in the mud, watching the blood trail down my wrists and the slits in my skin slowly zip themselves back up, as I steadily worked to put a dent in my bodies healing. It really was a curse- I didn't even have the power to take my own life. God- I began, but I didn't finish. If God wasn't going to speak to me, I wasn't going to speak to Him.
I woke shivering in the moist dirt, muddied with my blood, the forest lit in the morning light, shining low through the trees. The air was crisp and chilled, soaking through my damp clothes and into my being. I clenched my chattering teeth as I pushed myself off the ground, grimacing as the muscles in my arms and hands screamed and burned, not yet fully healed. I hugged my stomach as I shoved my back against the tree, wincing in the frigid air and trying to silence the shivers running through me. Reality rushed me quickly and I closed my eyes, helpless to the memories flooding my mind.
Levi stood before the Lutum Council, his dark eyes numb and distance and cast on the floor in front of him, “We were never friends- just schoolmates.” He shifted, his white-knuckled hands clenched in front of him in an attempt to appear calm.
“Did Simon Terra tell you he was a Shifter?” the Head Councilor asked, from his pedestal above the rest. Levi seemed to flinch, and his shoulders tensed, but he never looked up.
“Yes.” The room erupted, my face flooding with heat and instantly paling, as I swallowed, raising my gaze to my mother across the hall, behind Levi. Her eyes pierced mine, yet they seemed to look right through me, as if she learned I had died as an infant and had been secretly replaced by a monster this whole time. My heart clenched in my chest painfully and I pulled my gaze away, blinking back tears that threatened in my eyes, holding my breath and biting back a sob. They hated me- how could they hate me so easily? Despite my better judgment, I cautiously drew my eyes up to my father, standing beside her. His gaze was on the floor, on the wall, on the Council, on anything but me, looking so much like Levi's, numb and distant, yet there was a shadow of a scowl on his face. He hated me too. My eyes faltered, my heart pounding with painful unbelief. How could they turn on me so easily- they were the only people I had in the world and they had handed me over without a fight. Did my this curse make me that unworthy? I clenched my eyes shut, God let this be a nightmare- let this be a nightmare please! I opened my eyes, staring at the cold, green marble-floor of the hall, passed my bound hands.
“Silence! Order!” a female Councilor shouted. “Bring up the boys parents to make a plea!” I looked back to my parents, hope filling my chest, only to drain from me like the blood that drained from my head, leaving me void and dazed. A soldier jerked me up by his hold on my arm, as my legs went numb beneath me. Their place beside Levi was empty. Frantically I scanned the room, my eyes running over the crowd of people, praying they were coming up- praying I had missed them.
“They've plead ignorance!” someone shouted from the back. No. I started toward the crowd to find them, caught by my arm.
“No-” Panicked, I fought against the grip, scanning desperately through the throng of people. “Mum! Fa!” They couldn't leave- I was their son- I was still their son.
“Restrain him!” a Councilor yelled.
“I'm your son! Please- Fa!”
I closed my eyes, shutting down the memory before I threw up and wiping away the burning tears that swam in my gaze. I took a deep breath and swallowed down the emotion in my throat, welcoming in a blanket of numbness to escape the pain.
I knew I should start walking, by the time the sun rose above the trees, but I couldn't bring myself to rise. My eyes were heavy and my head foggy with sleep, yet I never slept. My mind reeled back and forth, my eyes unwilling to stay closed and unwilling to stay open. I sat in the nook of the tree roots for hours, in a daze of regret and disbelief, sighing deeply and sometimes struggling to breathe at all.
Shift Excerpt
Written at the beginning of Nanowrimo, actually required a lot less editing than I thought and so much better than I remembered lol. Sometimes you just have to leave something and come back to appreciated it X) Still makes me cry, probably will always make me cry. <3 Simon
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Mock Book Cover
Goofing around. Wanna write this story <3 Maybe I'll post something from it in a bit.
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:icongardevoirloverhope:
GardevoirLoverHope Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:happy birthday: Misc Emoji-04 (Happy Birthday) [V1]  :happy birthday: 
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:iconhbpen:
HBPen Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
ThaaankYOU!
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:iconbnzg:
BNZG Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Happy Birthday! :D
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:iconhbpen:
HBPen Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks!!
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:iconsirenabonita:
sirenabonita Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2016
:iconmermaidplz:  Mermaid Tamara & i thank you and invite you to visit her mermaid galleries ~

sirenabonita.deviantart.com/ga…

sirenabonita.deviantart.com/ga…
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:iconsanguinewinds:
SanguineWinds Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2016  Student Photographer
It's so awesome coming across others who are unafraid to say here that they serve the Lord! I noticed in your section where you list, bulleted, sins, you have "occult." I was heavily into the occult (and, very specifically, darker aspects of occultism) before the Lord Jesus Christ became my Redeemer.
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:iconhbpen:
HBPen Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hey, am I correct in reading that you just turned to Jesus this March? I was snooping on your profile 'cause I'm bored lol, but that's so awesome. You're so young in your faith, I've honestly never seen anyone turn to Jesus in my life- it's really inspiring, especially hearing where you've come from. Don't stop seeking to know Jesus more. As someone who asked Jesus into their heart at age 7 I can tell you, there's never a peek to knowing who Jesus is- there's always more to know- He's infinitely deep and full of love that will continue to blow your mind for the rest of your life if you pursue it. I'm praying for you <3
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:iconsanguinewinds:
SanguineWinds Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2016  Student Photographer
I just wanted to say thanks for this comment. It's something I really needed to see and hear from somebody. And, yeah, it was just at the start of March that I became a Christian. Prior to that, I was a semi-theistic (leaning atheistic), modern Luciferian, and I practiced dark forms of witchcraft such as Luciferian Adversarial Magick and Traditional Satanic Witchcraft (both of which involved working closely with beings like Lucifer, Satan, Leviathan, Belial, Lilith, etc etc, and various lesser demonic entities). It's honestly a miracle that I was able to go from my Luciferianism to Christianity. As I've told people, that's essentially doing the impossible there. The worldview of my Luciferianism was the exact opposite of a Christian worldview. Converting was really difficult and still poses many obstacles for me, as it's very hard to entirely abandon the daily mentality that Luciferianism breeds. It's not an ideology that is easily shaken off when someone is as deeply into it as I was. It was turning me into a very selfish and cruel-hearted person. It will be some time before I have completely recovered from it, and I'm always afraid that those beings are going to grab me and pull me back into it. But they cannot, for I am in the hands of Christ now. Thank you for your prayers, dearest sister.
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:iconhbpen:
HBPen Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
That list was actually written by another artist on here, Thankyou and likewise :)
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:icondust-bunie:
dust-bunie Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2016
Anytime! :)
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