The Only One

I get really depressed frequently. I am constantly looking for love, acceptance, approval, etc. from people around me. I am insecure and I find myself feeling so alone and there's not even a word to describe the amount or level of separation I feel from people. Literally, no one understands, or knows the real me, except God. I am forgetting that all the time. I can't trust people and I will always doubt their opinion of me when we're not together having a good time. I think God puts that barrier between me and people, so that I will depend on Him. If it wasn't there, I would ignore Him more than I already do, and I ignore Him a lot. My family went camping this past week, with other relatives and a family from church, and I honestly felt so alone and left out the whole time [my younger brother didn't come either and we hang out a TON] A lot of these feelings were my fault too, but I finally broke down and I could not cope. My parents tried to comfort me, but they didn't understand the depth of my emotions at the time. I told them I just needed to get away and be by myself to talk to God. [Of course while camping, I couldn't get away anywhere by myself without being unsafe, buddy-system] I sat in the trailer, praying and crying, and just wanting God to comfort me, I wanted nothing else, I wasn't even sure why I was crying anymore, and I decided, I would write it out. That always helps, when I write a song or poem about it. God speaks to me through my own writing. I know the truth, that God is the only One who is enough to make me feel complete and satisfied in life, I just get lonely, forget and ignore Him, or purposely ignore the fact because I want to do my own thing. But when I write, God talks to me, and tells me the truth. I'm always better after writing a song to God; it's our time to connect.

Church was amazing tonight, I don't know why, it just was. Worship was better than it has been in a while, I had this amazing focus on the words while singing, that I have lacked for at least a month now. My Pastor's been teaching from Job on Wednesdays, I love that story so much, and to my utter joy, he made some points that were very similar to the study I gave to the young ladies at his house on Monday. I was told later that he had been secretly listening to my study, hiding around the corner while I taught. That was nice to hear :] I got to fellowship with a girl who has just started coming to our church again, I missed her very much. God is good! To the Almighty, be the glory! <3 I love my God.