Deviation Actions
“How do I know you're not lying to me-?!” I demand, emotion breaking the harshness of my voice.
“I'm not-” he says again, frustration churning in his words like a bomb, but I cut him off.
“How do I know you're not just being nice so that I trust you-?!” I demand, my volume rising.
“Rachel-” he almost shouts, his ire rising with mine.
“-So that I'll depend on you, and believe I need you-!” I shout, as my gaze begins to swim. He reaches for my arm, but I jerk back, trembling uncontrollably and shaken by his attempt at contact. I stare him down, wide-eyed, trying to remember what I was saying. “H-how do I know you're not just going to keep me-?” The knit of his brow deepens and his mouth cracks open but his words are silenced. I continue crawling back over the bed, setting it between us where I'm safe. “Until I-I'm so desperate- I believe you care about me-” I say, my voice quivering with uncertainty. I hold myself, backing away as far as the tiny room will let me. “But you don't- a-and you never take me home- you just string me along for months and tell me- you'll take care of me-” My voice breaks beneath my heavy words and tears flood my gaze. I inhale desperately, “and I believe you!” I finish emphatically, my voice high and quivering as I strive to compose the emotion dancing on my vocal cords, “And you keep me- forever!” My voice grows frantic as I follow the white rabbit of my thoughts absentmindedly, “and you convince me to let you in more- and more- until I don't want to leave you-!” Sobs spill from me like a fountain and I cover my mouth like it's vomit, backing into the corner as I strive to silence them. He moves toward me and I flinch back, all the chaotic emotions shutting down at once as I brace myself, stopping him in his tracks with my gaze. My body instantly retreats back to the pain-numbing adrenaline I had come so accustomed to surviving on. He seems to search me with his eyes, the emotion pooling in them unnerving.
“I'm sorry-,” his voice breaks, thick with emotion. My chest tightens. What angle is this? I glare at him warily, but there's pain in his eyes; a tear shoots down his face and he retreats slightly, smearing the drop away angrily. I almost flinch, angry bewilderment churning in me.
“For what-” I ask stiffly, my tone accusing, as I lean back, so uncertain of what to expect. He faintly frowns, his eyes still moist as he glances away.
“Someone, hurt you-” he says, seemingly trying to compose his voice, “Someone betrayed your trust again and again to the point that you-..” He pins me in his gaze, startling me, “can't trust.. anything.” My heart constricts keenly with the perfectly aimed arrow he's shot. I look away, my lungs laboring for air, as he slowly comes nearer and nearer, but I don't see him- I only hear his words- louder than anything before my eyes. “Not even you're own thoughts. You can't believe anything you think you see or understand. You can't trust kindness, or care, or tenderness- they're a threat to you -” I look up at him, and he stops, his large form just feet from my corner, but his words make me feel more trapped than his presence, as I desperately try to gauge his expression. He searches my gaze, “I'm sorry..” I look away, certain he sees everything.
“It's not your fault,” I bite quietly, confused and trying to cover my pain with apathy and swallow back my grief.
“But if I'd had any say in it,” he says quietly, bending to meet my gaze with his dark blue eyes, “It wouldn't have happened.” My heart wrenches and I press my tremulous lips together, shoving back the emotion in my throat. “I'm sorry-” he pulls back suddenly, drawing my bewildered gaze, “I'm sorry.” He retreats, combing a hand through his hair before he turns back, avoiding my gaze as he snatches his jacket from the bed. “I know I can't persuade you to trust me- I won't.” He starts for the door, “You have to come to that conclusion yourself-.” He stops, his hand on the handle. “I understand, Rachel... and I'm sorry.”
