Why Must Sex Be Consensual?

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Why is it so important that there be clear consent between two people before having sex? This sounds like a dumb question- because none of us, want to be made to sleep with someone without our consent- but really, think about a clear answer- if it's so important and commonly believed, there should be a simple answer. Just like, why is it so important not to jump off a bridge without a secure line? Because you will hit the ground and die. Just as common sense clearly states not to jump from certain heights without a line, so it states sex must be consensual. So why? And why does it take us a little longer to come up with answer to this question than it did for the other? They're both common sense- what's the deal?


Here's the easy answer: it's wrong. But that answer doesn't hold up with everyone and many would say right and wrong are subjective, so let me give you the straight answer.


Sex is sacred. Just as the deep parts of a person's heart and soul are sacred and the knowledge of such things must be earned through trust and worthiness- so are the inner and hidden parts of our bodies. Nakedness is special, it's meant to be treated like the deep secrets and dreams of our hearts, not kept in shame, but kept out of value. It is valuable, like a painting that must be paid to see, because if it's posted on a street in public where everyone can see, it's not valuable, it's public. If it's hanging in a home where only a select few have seen it, then it's enjoyed by those in passing, but not cherished and not special. BUT if only one is allowed to see it, to explore it, to know it's strokes and every color used and see all the hidden things added in, quirks and imperfections that make it unique. If only one has seen and knows the painting, it is more valuable to that one person, given the right to see it, than it would be to the world of people who have the ability to see it, but not the right.


You have to earn the right to see someone's nakedness- to explore their body or touch them- the right is given- to those they trust with it- to the one they choose- and they have “the right to refuse service to anyone” they deem unworthy.


In dating and getting into someone's pants, it's common belief that it only takes being “liked” by someone or sometimes “loved” to reach this place, but deep down, it takes proving yourself. The world would have us believe sex is not special, it's just pleasure, and any guidelines or processes you choose to find someone and/or reach that pleasure peak, is simply personal preference. I mean we do choose people we trust, most of is anyway- some are desperate enough to be sexually gratified by whoever they can get. They hand out that consent like it's pennies- we've got so many we don't know what to do with them- but having a wealth of pennies doesn't make you rich- it devalues the pennies- they mean nothing to you anymore. Consent to sex becomes worthless to us when we give it out like that. It means nothing, it doesn't need to be protected or cherished- and you're setting yourself up to be treated in the same way: undervalued. I don't blame them- if I had had the opportunity I would have done the same- I know I was desperate enough to share my inner-self, emotionally and physically, to feel loved.


The problem is, just because you let someone in, doesn't mean they love or even like what they see- and I'm not talking physically- I'm talking about 'you.' Someone may find you attractive, the most attractive person on the planet, but getting them to that point doesn't guarantee that they see or understand or know or cherish 'you.' Isn't that what we want to be loved for? Our hearts? Our souls? Yeah it takes time to find someone- I've never met anyone who loved me or knew me or understood or cherished me- not in that way- maybe my mom lol. I'm not looking for perfect love either, just the desire to love perfectly- the motivation to cherish me in all my quirks and imperfections.


Can we all agree here- that nakedness is sacred to us? No one wants to have their nakedness posted for everyone to see, no matter how attractive they consider themselves. Now why in the world is it so shaming to have our nakedness shared with the masses? Or even just one, whom we did not give consent? Why is the feeling ground into us, that our bodies are to be concealed and only revealed to those we trust? It's not ground into us, society is trying to teach us differently- it's absolutely everywhere! So why is our nakedness sacred? Is anything in this world so naturally and instinctively sacred to us? Life maybe- how can sex and the life of another person or living thing, both be equally as sacred? Society wouldn't tell you the life of someone is as sacred as keeping nakedness concealed. Why is that?


Because the sanctity of life is universally cherished- no one knows what happens after you die and common sense says not risk someone's existence on the unknown afterlife. But we all know what happens after sex- it's just physical- if not done violently, it doesn't hurt you- right? The physical world proves as much- but what about the intangible? Sanctity is intangible isn't it? So why judge the sanctity of something by the physical outcome and not by the intangible outcome?


How does non-consensual sex affect our spirits? It hurts, it's disarming, degrading, devaluing, objectifying, dehumanizing. I think it's important to note that Christianity is one of the only religions to address the sanctity of sex. Why? We've come to believe that it's just another rule, whether from God or men, that sex must stay within marriage, and it's just to take away our chances at pleasure, because having sex before or outside of marriage 'doesn't hurt anyone.' But if sanctity is intangible, lets not look at the physical outcome, but the intangible one.


What no one wants to believe anymore, is that sex binds you to a person, letting someone in like that, trusting them with so much of yourself- all of yourself- trusting them while being at your most vulnerable place- giving them the most valuable thing you have- consent to your inner-self, body and soul. You have to be close to that person in that moment, to be so vulnerable and be enjoyed instead of scorned and pleased instead of hurt, it knits your spirit to that person. And when the moment passes and that person leaves, because they like your body but not your heart enough to want to stay and know more of you and only you for the rest of their life, well, that binding on your spirit and theirs is ripped apart. When they become repulsed by some part of your heart or hurt you because they really only cared about pleasing themselves and not taking care of or cherishing you, that binding is ripped apart. It hurts. You let them in and they didn't love everything about you- they didn't want to.


I used to think marriage and relationships were about finding someone who fit with you, who was like-minded or similar or just liked you- I used to believe you had to find the person who matched you and just for some reason loved you, because you two were made for each other- and everything would fall into place- but you can't go in on it like that. People aren't made for each other- not like that. You won't love them all the time- you won't find them attractive all the time- 'But it's not about you.'


You have to want to love someone- you have to choose someone you are willing to love and take care of, willing to explore the inner-parts of their heart for the rest of your lives, no matter what you find- that's your person and you want the best for them. Someone you want to help heal and nurture, to be the wonderful person they have the potential to be.


                       

This is why the Bible says sex is to be within marriage- it's sacred and valuable and needs to be protected to protect your heart. Marriage isn't just the person who will satisfy your sexual needs for the rest of your life, or the person you have the most fun with, or the person that will make the best partner when things get rough- it's not, about, you. Marriage and sex, hand in hand, are meant for the person you find and decide, I want to love you, because you need someone to love you, and as imperfect as I know you are and as unworthy as I know I am for the job, I want to be that person.

© 2016 - 2024 Hbpenart
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Revival-TomII's avatar
This matter of sexual activity is more than in the Bible.  We don't think of it this way, but God's sense of morals are imbedded into us before we are born (made in the likeness of God), but tend to need the written Word of God to bring those imbedded morals to remembrance.  As I recall, there's almost an entire chapter in the Old Testament showing that nakedness is only for that chosen mate.  I believe we become more sensitive about it when we reach puberty, and therefore start to guard it more than before we reached puberty.

But your on the right track with your journal entry.  But I'd like to take it one step further.  And that is having God become your matchmaker.  Most people, including Christians, tend to leave God out of their matchmaking.  To get the best person for one's life, means to have God do all of the matchmaking, and for us to submit to Him on His choice.  This alone provides more protection than anything else in all areas related to marriage.
I know this from experience.  Consent to sex must begin with consent to marriage.  And consent to marriage must begin with consent to allowing God to do His part in providing that person.